Monday Blahs

Well, back to work. Monday. I'll admit, I am finding this task difficult lately, I guess by that I mean since I got back from Our Lady of the Rock. Today I wanted to throw everything out the window. This week I was planning on starting to eat in a way that is inspired by Thich Nat Haan and buddhism. I just don't feel prepared. It's tricky to feel close to this project when you are herding nine toddlers all day. I ate toast and tea for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and leftovers for dinner.

Unspeakable Sweetness of Love

"For as we advance in the religious life and in faith, our hearts expand and we run the way of God's commandments with unspeakable sweetness of love." --from the Rule of St. Benedict.

Today I had toast for breakfast. I went to morning mass. I had intended to get up early for the early morning service too but I didn't. Sleep is holy too. There were a few visitors at Mass so there were ten or twelve people there. Part way through mass I felt like I was having a low blood sugar issue. I sat there debating what to do. I was torn because I wanted to stay but I didn't want anything dramatic to happen. I thought I could make it it until communion but then I remembered that I couldn't have any so I slipped out, ran to the guest house and grabbed an orange which I ate while I quickly walked back to mass. No harm done but the lesson: take care of your body sufficiently enough that you don't have to miss mass. It's a good thing I'm not Catholic or I would have had to say some Hail Marys or something.

The front of the chapel

It was interesting to read the rule of St. Benedict regarding food and drink. It is much more flexible than one might think, making allowances for people with infirmities, or monks who have been doing lots of physical labor. Of course, the point is to be measured: "Above all things, however, over-indulgence must be avoided . . . for there is nothing so opposed to the Christian character as over-indulgence, according to our Lord's words, 'See to it that your hearts not be burdened with over-indulgence.'" That could be interpreted in another way too. How do I fill my heart until it is too full of feelings? Like watching mindless televison or taking on other people's burdens. But I digress.

I bought some wool made from these cotswold sheep!

It indicates that the monks should not eat four footed animals, which if available, does not exclude birds. The monks/nuns also eat in while listening to readings of past saints and scholars. "As to the things that they need while they eat and drink, let the brethren pass them to one another so that no one need ask for anything. If anything is needed, however, let it be asked for by means of some audible sign rather than by speech." I would love to see this in action! There is another section for drink.". . .We belive that a hemina of wine a day is sufficient for each." Wine was more sanitary than water I suppose. Does this mean that I can drink a hemina of wine a day for my project? Wait . . . what is a hemina? It goes on: ". . .The Superior shall used his judgment in the matter, taking care that there be no occasion for surfeit or drunkeness. We read that it is true, that wine is by no means a drink for monks, but since the monks of our day cannot be persuaded of this, let us at least agree to drink sparingly and not to saiety because 'wine makes even the wise fall away.'" This is classic. I can just hear the monks now: "No, it's fine. We'll be good. Just let us have a hemina a day. We won't get drunk, we promise."

I decided to take the the twelve-thirty ferry home. I had a long drive home and I had a non-monastery life to get back to. Lunch was an egg, cheese and sausage dish, you can't really go wrong there. I might have eaten more than the Rule would have approved of. The ferry ride back was nice. It wasn't too cold so I stood outside and watched the islands recede hoping I could go back soon.

Ora et Labora

I slept so hard. I don't think I moved all night. I woke up anticipating where I was, and what it looked like in the daylight.  Our Lady of the Rock is run by about eight Benedictine nuns. The mantra of the monastery is Ora et Labora: Pray and Work. They have about three hundred acres in the San Juan Islands where they keep three kinds of cattle, sheep, alpacas, llamas, chickens and two peahens. There are also two interns here. They live in the guest house where I am staying for the weekend. There are two other guests here as well; a couple who have been working around the farm.

7:30 am
Coffee (half milk), bread. There is a peahen on the porch. Mass is at 8:00am.
It is a beautiful sunny day. It feels normal here; no pressures to check e-mail and all that hustle and bustle of everyday life. Time is measured differently at a monastery.

I went to mass with Cate the other intern. She’s Catholic so she knew what to do as far as standing and sitting, crossing and kneeling, etc. I felt a bit nervous. The priest that is usually connected with the monastery is ill so there was a deacon doing the mass with the nuns. He was laid back and that made it feel more comfortable. I have a huge amount of sadness and, I’ll admit, some anger over the fact that I cannot take communion in Catholic church. It makes me feel excluded, which I think is the opposite of what Jesus was saying those centuries ago. The rebel that I am, I have taken communion in Catholic church before. I asked my friend that I was with if it was ok with her and went up and ate at the table. But it doesn’t feel right to do that either, it’s like undercover communion. Today, I debated whether or not to just stay in my seat or go up and get a blessing. I decided to go up and get a blessing and I’m glad I did. When the deacon put his hand on my head, my heart was really open to this blessing in Catholic church, for the first time unfettered from anger and sadness. It was touching and I got a little teary eyed.

After mass I helped Cate feed the Highland cows some hay. There was a baby one, about four weeks old Cate said, and he was pretending to eat the hay but he really couldn’t yet. So sweet. After that I took a nice walk and took some pictures. The nuns here are cloistered so they sleep and eat separately, but during work time guests interns and nuns mingle. I ended up helping Mother Mary Grace to prune and repot some plants and do some weeding. She used to be a receptionist at a CPA’s office and she had a spunky way about her. There are only eight nuns and they are all over fifty at least, when there is no one else to help them they just do everything themselves. They just get on with it. Of course they are grateful for the help they do receive.

12:30 pm Lunch
There were seven of us at lunch. Some people who came to visit Cate and the other two guests, Sam and me. So, we don’t eat with the nuns but every lunch and dinner, the nuns make the meals (not breakfast) and bring it to the guest house. This is part of their ministry of hospitality. If there are no guests, they just make food for Cate and Sam, or whoever the interns are. The nuns take turns making the meals. Today, we had salad, lasagna, and rolls. For dessert we had a dense cake with a lemon sauce. What a meal! I felt so lucky! Cate and Sam were telling stories about some of the funny casseroles that some of the nuns have made. Cooking is not a gift that everyone has! I was wondering where this food came from so I asked who does the shopping and Cate replied that the nuns take turns going to Costco. Screech of the wheels in my mind. What? Costco? I guess they had recently been drinking milk from the Jersey cows on their farm, but now they were pregnant and needed that nutrition for themselves. Also, they do have some of the animals that they raise slaughtered. They were going to be picking up some new meat from the butcher the next week. They also have a huge vegetable garden in the summer and fall but it had not been planted yet. So for the end of Winter, beginning of Spring, Costco it is.

After lunch I went on another walk and then I came back and helped with the plants some more. I have a way of easily romanticizing almost everything and everyone. I had these lofty ideas that the nuns would be – well, wise and all knowing I guess. I’m sure some of them are, but you know, I thought that everything that came out of their mouths would be profound. I knew they would have a sense of humor, they did all have glowing smiles. I realized after spending time with Mother Mary Grace that nuns are just normal people who worship a lot. Ok, there is much more to it than that. Monastic life is a profoundly spiritual way of life and the nuns are deeply devoted to God. The fact that these women choose this way of life is a demonstration of how life here on earth, in the bodies we are given, can be something more, something sacred. What a reminder that is to the rest of us!

Vespers was at five o’clock and I went. I was the only one there beside the nuns. They worship in a separate area of the chapel. Their singing was a rough blend of clear and warbly voices. They sing in Latin and I followed along with the English translation until they departed from it and then I just sat and listened to them sing scripture. It was quite meditative, and it didn’t really matter if I could understand it or not

6:30 pm Supper.

We were given chili and cornbread muffins, and cake for dessert because it was Joe’s birthday. He is one of the guests. He and his wife knew Mother Mary Grace before she became a nun. Joe plowed the field for the vegetable garden today. She came down and had cake with us. I asked if the nuns eat the same thing as we were and she said that a lot of the nuns have dietary restrictions because of health reasons, and so what they eat is dictated a lot by that. Now I get to relax, read and journal before I go to bed!

Here are some books that I found in the book shelf at the guest house that might be pertinent to this project:

 Monk Habits of Everyday People Dennis Okholm, 2007.

The View from a Monastery Benet Tvedten, OSB, 2006.

Our Lady of the Rock

I now interrupt my regularly scheduled blogcast to bring you news of my trip to Our Lady of the Rock monastery.

6:30 am
Bread, cheese, tea at the table.

1:15 pm
Matt came to see me for my lunch! I had a Vietnamese sandwich and it was soooo good!!

7:00 pm
Bread, cheese, in the car. There was no time to stop.

Today was a crazy day. Here’s the abbreviated version: I worked 7:15 am to 6:00 pm, I rushed to get batteries for my camera, and gas. I drove to the ferry, barely making the last ferry. I got to Our Lady of the Rock at 10:15 pm. Whew! As I was riding the ferry the sun was going down and I was looking out at the islands scattered around I thought of St. Brendan an Irish monk who sailed around in the Irish sea with a group of monks stopping at islands and listening to God. Like St. Brendan I didn't really know where I was going, and I did not know what to expect when I got there. The sunset was beautiful and the air wasn't too chilly. When I got to the monastery I was quickly shown where I could sleep by Sam the intern. I fell asleep in an instant.

Simplicity is a Guide

6:30 am
Toast and tea.

12:00 pm
Today was a special lunch: the STM graduate luncheon at Seattle University where I go to graduate school. The faculty and staff honored those of us graduating with love, a lunch, and a beautiful rose. It was really lovely. Chicken was on the menu as well as mashed sweet potatoes and asparagus. I debated whether or not to have the chicken but I decided to. It was wonderful. I appreciated it so much because I haven't been eating meat at all in the past couple of weeks. Back in the years when I tried vegetarianism, I realized that my body is happier when I am eating meat. That brings up lots of moral issues for me about eating meat, but today I was grateful for it. I even had some bites of cake! Mmmmm.

7:50 pm
Cheese, bread, apple. When I eat alone, I find myself looking around a lot. I look at the clutter on the table, look at a book, look outside, look at my food. The Carthusian monks eat most of their meals in their cells. They can look out their window, but there is really nothing else to look at inside. This must make eating more focused, intentional, or -- guided, that's the word, guided. The simplicity of the situation is the guide. It is a gentle, non-violent way, not forced. North Americans today seem to be always doing something. Now that cell phones/digital photo albums/music players, have become the norm; no one is without one in hand. In a waiting room, in an airport, at a cross walk; typing or talking.

I feel this pull at the grocery store too. I walk in to a big chain store and there is food everywhere! It is difficult to focus on what I am there for. Wait, was it chips, juice, nail polish, a coffee, a magazine? Oh I forgot the milk I came for, but my bag is full stuff I hadn't thought to want! I like this prayerful, quiet, focused way that the monks eat. Farmers' Markets are much more like that too. Smaller, more full of stuff that you went to the market for in the first place. Simple.

Sacred Salmon

7:45 am

Toast, tea.

10:30 am

Banana

1:00 pm

Salad with tomato and cheese, water.

3:00 pm

Two of my classmates brought bread, butter and honey today for our class. It was a tribute to the day before ascension day, the day that Jesus left the earth and "ascended into heaven," Jesus' last day in his earthly body.

7:00 ish pm

Tonight was dinner with my ladies group. There were only three of us this week, and tonight we celebrated our friend Kelly finishing her final project before graduation. We decided to go to the Volunteer Park Cafe. Local fresh food as you can see. The ladies asked me to say grace as we held hands at the table. I wanted to say the grace that the Carthusian monks say, “Lord we receive this food through your grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Of course I forgot it, short as it is, so I made one up. This was a sacred meal. The people are sacred and the food tasted holy in my mouth. Everything on my plate was on this weeks list: potatoes, tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, fish, asparagus and garlic aioli (which after all, is oil, eggs, and garlic!). Eating locally with friends, I felt so blessed, and full – of gratitude.

True Simplicity and Authentic Poverty of Spirit

6:30 am

Toast, tea. I decided to keep reading Brother Victor-Antoine's Blessings of the Daily and today's entry was a particularly well written pertinent and poignant one. He writes:


"Reforms, throughout the history of monasticism, come and go. They are usually tied to a certain period or a charismatic personality, as they succeeded each other across the centuries. There are some today who, in an effort to purify what they consider the present ills of the monastic institution, would wish to return to what they conceive of as the monasticism of the Middle Ages – as if the medieval monasteries, or those of any other era, were ever perfect. In my view, that sort of idealism is nothing but a naïve approach to the problem. In truth, monastic life would not profit from a so-called literal return to the past, but rather from actualizing today the values learned from the past. For monastic life to survive, it must show the same versatility as the Gospel: it must be able to adapt itself to each epoch, to each place where it is implanted, or lived. . . . Filled with the grace and light that shines forth from the Gospel, we move forward seeking God daily with purity of heart, with true simplicity and authentic poverty of spirit, in the silence and solitude of the desert, where God always dwells. Monastic renewal, in essence, is all about this and all else is superfluous.”



1:00 pm

Bread, cheese, apple, water.



7:00 pm

Trout, broccoli, bread, water.